Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Time to Line Up Some Ducks

So, I'm not doing too well with one of my New Year's Resolutions.  Specifically, the one in which I resolved to do better with keeping in touch.  In fact, I received multiple messages from folks who hadn't heard from me, doing a bit of a check-in to see how we're doing over here.  As it turns out, my thinking about you all often and talking to you in my head doesn't translate into anything other than me living too much in my head.  Yeah, that's not a recipe for what we need.  Oh, and bee-tee-dubs, I didn't really think you could pick up on what's in my head, I just got stuck in the thinking, and didn't move on to the doing.  It's a blessing to have people reaching out and checking in on one another, and I am grateful for it.  Well, it's time for me to get some of my ducks in a row, so here we go with much more of an update than anyone is probably seeking.    

We're, still here, still home, and still well.  Well, as well as what goes for well around here, but you know what I mean.  We look to be home for a long time--like a year or more kind of a long time.  We're trying to balance being realistic and prepared without dwelling on it.  Sometimes it feels less-than-awesome to think about it.  On the other hand, we are incredibly grateful that we can stay home except for going out for curbside pickup of groceries and supplies.  We know that not everyone gets to choose that.  

Now, we spent a lot of time at home before this, and in a lot of ways, our life has not changed too much.  Then again, it has changed a lot.  We miss being with friends and family in person.  We miss the convenience of restaurants.  We miss going inside the grocery, picking out our own produce, seeing new things, and making our own substitutions on the fly.  We miss just popping over there to grab two or three things we need or just want, instead of waiting for the two-week re-supply, making a $35 (or whatever the threshold is) minimum order, and scheduling a pick-up time.  We miss fast food.  We miss drive-thrus.  We miss having more frequent fresh produce.  We miss going inside any store.  We miss going somewhere in the car and not calculating if the adventure will be short enough not to require a restroom.       

We're getting tired of some things, too.  We're tired of the planning and thinking and preparing for possible/probable/likely shortages.  We're tired of what feels like the constant cooking-eating-washing dishes cycle.  We're tired of news that is is not new.  We're tired of planning meals.  We're tired of the smell of disinfectant.  We're tired of mystery shopping, pressing that "order" button, and still not being quite sure of what we will get.  We're tired of so many plastic bags.  We're tired of thinking about this, of planning for it.  We're tired of worrying.     

We've been sad and angry, too, about things big and small.  There has been so much loss, and there is so much more to come.  Who all have we seen and hugged for the last time?  What other lasts have passed?  We can't celebrate birthdays, holidays, achievements, or milestones together.  We cannot comfort and support in person, people going through trying times.  If it cannot be delivered or picked up curbside, we cannot get it.  We have a transnational crime syndicate masquerading as a government (I highly recommend this podcast).  We're missing out on seeing the young ones growing and changing, and the older among us are aging much more rapidly.  We're all getting a lot weirder, and it might be permanent.  People are dying.  People are losing so much.  The most vulnerable and marginalized are suffering much more, the structural inequalities show even more, it is easier for those in power to continue them, and harder for those who fight against them to do so.             

We are enjoying things, too, some old, some new.  We enjoy each other.  If I have to stay home for the foreseeable future, spending that time with my husband, who is my best friend, is pretty much the best.  We still put out food for the birds and squirrels and continue to enjoy watching them.  We're trying some new recipes, making little changes, and adding them to our repertoire.  While we didn't choose particularly well for "these extraordinary times" when we (not knowing all this was coming) bought a few packets of seeds this winter, some of what we planted has survived so far, and the time to do something with those seedlings has arrived, so that's some more new on the way.  Baking more is always good.  We're having desserts we normally only have on special occasions, and peach cobbler is still good, even with canned peaches.  We have so many television/movie choices to stream, and we have watched so much.  An evening of playing cards is a nice way to pass time, too.  We're helping others in whatever ways we can.  And, hey, guess what?  I even knit a bit, too, and that's pretty good. 

So, yeah, that's how we're doing.  We're doing better than some, not as well as others, but that's life, innit?  I know some of our choices differ from those of others, and there are many reasons for that.  We're doing our best to take care of ourselves and be considerate of others.  We hope you are finding that best balance for you and yours, too.