Sometimes, I'm just so angry.* Angry at those who could have prevented so much death and loss and suffering. Angry at those who could have enabled people to make safer choices by providing for us. Angry at their lies. Angry at the way they endanger others with their words and their actions. Angry at the hate. Angry at the breathtaking greed.
Like many other people, early in life, I received some harmful messages about anger, and, well, there has been a lot of reinforcement of those messages over the years. So, yeah, it is still sometimes a difficult emotion for me. It used to be much worse, I mean, it nearly killed me, but I have learned to do better with it, to allow myself to feel it, and to not stay stuck there when I do. Sometimes I sit with it for a bit before I shift towards an action to help, or sometimes I need a little bit of silliness to shake it off, and that, combined with a little bit of stabbing, is something I've been doing lately.
I'm knitting Bluebirds of Crappiness. Buy this pattern, and the proceeds go to Chicago-area foodbanks. So, yeah, there's a little bit of helping others, and that is always good. Also, if you're missing knitting with others, knit along with Anna in a YouTube video she made.
When I was a kid, sometimes my grandpa would sing "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose" at random times. Actually, he just sang that one line, and then whistled on in a way that explains the (lack of) musical genius that spreads through so much of the family tree. Anyway, these are not Birds of Paradise, but Bluebirds of Crappiness, and the idea of them flying up some particular noses both connects with my anger while also helping me release it. As a bonus, when I embellish them with needle-felting I get to stab over and over and over again, without harming others.
*So, yeah, I wrote this post a few months ago (I think? Time is all messed up). At that time, it was mostly about the coronavirus pandemic. It's so much more now.
Wednesday, September 09, 2020
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